Leadership Playbook - Part 4, COMPASSION

In part 4 of this short audio series, the focus is on COMPASSION. 

Here's my 4-step Leadership Playbook:
 1. Discover your strengths
2.  Understand the science of change
3. Practice compassion and
4. Take action.

Throughout my career, I've earned how important it is for leaders to practice compassion and self-compassion. It makes a difference in the workplace and at home.   But sometimes practicing self-compassion is easier said than done. 

Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneer in the study of self-compassion.  She's on the educational psychology faculty at The University of Texas at Austin.  Dr. Neff shares some great resources about compassion on her website.  In this episode, I summarize the key elements of self-compassion.  You can read Dr. Neff's detailed description of self-compassion here.    

Topics:

Compassion vs. Self-Compassion
Self-care
Your role as a leader
Growth opportunities

About Stories of Change

Life doesn't come with a roadmap. We're all figuring it out as we go.

I'm Judy Oskam, and on Stories of Change, I talk with people about the changes and unexpected turns that have shaped their lives—and what they've learned along the way.

Maybe you're navigating a career change, moving through a life transition, or wondering what you want your next chapter to look like. Someone else's story might give you a little wisdom, a new perspective, or what you need to figure out what's next.

Transcript

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Part 4: 

Welcome to Stories of Change and Creativity, I’m Judy Oskam… This is part 4 of my audio series - Create your Leadership playbook.  I’m a university administrator and professor at Texas State University.  I’m also a certified coach, using a Gallup Strengths, Tiny habits and Thrive framework.    

My leadership playbook consists of 4 steps.  1. Discover your strengths 2.  Understand the science of change, 3. Practice compassion and 4. Take action.  

On this episode - I want to share my thoughts on why it’s important to practice compassion.  

Now what does that mean?  Don’t we all think of ourselves as compassionate people ? Yes, I’m sure you’re compassionate when it comes to your relationships with others - but what about your relationship with yourself…. Ahh.. that;;s a bit more challenging - at least for me.  

In 2021, I attended a Mindful Self-Compassion Primer with Dr. Kristin Neff.  Dr. Neff is a pioneer in the field of compassion - and a UT Austin professor.  She’s the co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self Compassion.  Dr. Neff has an excellent website with some super resources.  I agree with Neff’s analysis that having compassion for yourself is no different than having compassion for others.  I don’t know about you, but I always find it easier to be compassionate for others than myself.  I think back on situations at work and home - interactions with colleagues, friends, and family.  Neff explains the three elements of self-compassion.  

First - self kindness vs. self judgement.  If we stumble or have a failure - it’s easy to jump to self judgement.  I get critical and overthink my actions or statements.   A kinder - or compassionate approach would be to realize that we all make mistakes and it’s OK.  It’s how we learn.  So rather than jump to judgement - why not jump to self-kindness.  

The second element of self-compassion is an understanding of a common humanity. To me - this means that all of us… make mistakes and missteps.  It’s part of the human experience.  

The 3rd element of self-compassion is mindfulness versus over identification. To me - this means the ability to reflect and observe our negative thoughts with an understanding and awareness.  

Having self-compassion reminds me of when the flight attendant instructs passengers to put their own oxygen mask on first.  If we don’t care for ourselves, how can we take care of others.  

As leaders - this is important.  If you’re in a position - at work or home - of keeping the ship afloat and moving forward - you need to take care of yourself.  And remember, as leaders, you are modeling behavior.  The days of do as I say not as I do - are long gone.  

In your role as a leader, I encourage you to look for opportunities to ‘practice compassion’.  I’ve pointed out mistakes I’ve made with my staff or colleagues.  I want them to know you’ve got to take chances and you will make mistakes and it’s ok.  I think it helps build a community of trust.  

And I try to point out growth opportunities for my colleagues.  As a manager - You might have a 30,000 foot view of a situation - which allows you a little perspective.  So you’ve got to realize the benefit of seeing all sides.  Let me give you an example.  If I’m dealing with a student-faculty issue, I’ll often meet with both the student and the instructor.  You might relate if you’re dealing with two of your employees.  My goal is to achieve a win-win for both - and I tell them that.  There are two sides to every story - and often, my role is to listen and be compassionate.  My job is also to talk with the student about the instructor’s perspective… and I talk with the instructor about the student viewpoint.  

Again - my goal is a win -win.  So both parties feel heard and we reach a fair solution. 

So It’s no coincidence that this podcast is being released on Valentine’s day. So on this day of love- I encourage you to recognize the importance of being compassionate. Recognize your small accomplishments - the small steps add up to your success as a leader.  

Thanks for joining me for this series about how to create your leadership playbook.  Please reach out with any feedback. Thanks for listening to Stories of Change and Creativity.  And remember, if you’ve got a story or know someone who does, reach out to me at judyoskam.com.  Thanks for listening!